There are many who would ask, I imagine, why a woman would choose polygamy? It might be a good deal for a man, many might suppose, but why would a woman choose to share her husband with another woman or women and choose to be a polygamous wife? Why settle for the imagined subjugation, exploitation and degradation?
There are many myths and untruths about the polygamous lifestyle, and there are many different forms and practical applications of the theory. There is no "Rule Book for Polygamous Marriage" that lays down the structure and form of the practice. The only guide we have is the Bible, the Holy Word of God, which should guide and enlighten each Christian as we strive to be obedient to God's will for our lives.
It is, historically, a form of marriage which has been practiced all over the world, and which is much more prevalent than monogamy. It is also a form of marriage which has taken on a particularly bad connotation in Western European culture, especially in the United States. What is it about this lifestyle that raises such emotion and criticism? At a time when homosexual marriage is becoming more and more accepted, what is the problem with polygamy?
One of the problems is the untruths and misconceptions that form our popular cultural idea of what polygamy is. Speaking as a woman and a polygamous wife, I have not found that women are exploited or subjugated. Rather the opposite is true. Women achieve more freedom and expanded horizons than in monogamy. Why? There are two or more to share the housework, the cooking, the childcare, freeing each one to have more time to herself to pursue independent goals and objectives. Women are as free as they choose to speak their minds. If women are kept silent, that is the problem of the individuals involved, women as well as men, not the form of marriage. Exploitation and subjugation may occur in some situations, but that also occurs in monogamous marriages. The form of marriage is not the problem - the individuals involved in the marriage and their attitudes are the problem. A polygamous marriage based on Biblical truths and precepts, as all marriages should be, should meet the same standards as any monogamous marriage. Husbands should love their wives, and wives should be submissive to their husbands, based on Biblical principles.
To those who would argue that polygamy makes women dependent, I would say from experience that just the opposite is true. A woman married to a man with other wives is forced to have a very strong sense of who she is, what she's doing, and why she is doing it, and must maintain her own sense of identity. Her identity cannot be wrapped up in her husband's identity, the way many women in monogamous marriages become, simply because her husband isn't always there. And for an independent woman, that's one of the advantages. There is free time and energy to spend as one chooses. There is a built-in set of companions and friends for fellowship, for sharing work as well as play, and for help and caring. God brings people together in a family for reasons that are beneficial to each person-and so out of every relationship in the family we can learn and grow.
Polygamy is not for everyone. As long as every individual gets the time, energy, caring and compassion he or she requires, what is the problem with a man having more than one wife? As our society has encouraged women to make independent choices, and individuals to fulfill their own unique potential, if a woman chooses polygamy, does anyone have the right to tell her she cannot make that choice? Abuse and exploitation should not be tolerated, as they should not be tolerated anywhere in our society. Polygamy is not abuse. It is a lifestyle ordained by God for some people.
Examine the Bible. There is nowhere that polygamy is preached against. It was not only common in the Old Testament, it was a common practice in Jewish culture at the time of Christ. Monogamy was only brought to the Jewish world by Roman civilization. Yet if such a common practice was wrong, why did Christ not preach against it, as He did against all the other wrongs of His day? Polygamy is not for everyone. But for some it is God's calling and God's special blessing. It must be based on Biblical principles and lived in obedience to God's will, as any monogamous marriage must be. It certainly has its problems and pitfalls, as does any marriage particularly when it is not a lifestyle that we are trained in this culture to live. It is a lifestyle that provides much love, fellowship, support and growth in one's walk with the Lord. To those whom God has called, it is a special treasure.
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