It's been a month since HBO premiered "Big Love," its mildly controversial show how about polygamists in Utah.

And so far the weirdest thing about the fictional drama isn't watching a Mormon pop Viagras to keep up with his three wives, or how a "prophet" is poisoning his followers with arsenic. The oddest aspect of "Big Love" is how it makes polygamy feel so normal.

I admit that last statement is a bit oxymoronic in that polygamy - the practice of marrying multiple partners - is far from a "normal" concept to much of South Dakota, and America.

Yet, watching Bill Henrickson (played by Bill Paxton) serve as patriarch to his three wives and seven children, the prevailing reaction isn't that this is an "immoral" life. It's that the idea of an extended family makes so much sense in a world that's full of solitude.

If you're like me, your view of polygamy has been shaped and defined by those tantalizing documentaries that only seem to show polygamy through the prism of whacked-out weirdos.

They always focus on a mentally-deranged man who is following "God's" orders to take 18 wives and live in a secluded compound that has two guns for every person who lives there.

It's often a sad sight where the man's many wives and children basically serve as slaves to his whimsical desires like wanting more cheese on his hashbrowns or a wife who's closer to puberty.

It can be perverse. Perhaps that's why the Mormon church discontinued polygamy in 1890 - any Mormon who practices polygamy is excommunicated from the church.

Yet, that hasn't stopped people from marrying multiples. Last year, the Attorney Generals of Utah and Arizona reported that 20,000 to 40,000 people in America still practice polygamy.

While it's unlikely that all of these polygamists are Mormons, it's widely assumed that they are. The religion with a history of polygamy is still stigmatized for its past.

And while various groups are concerned that "Big Love" is perpetuating these stereotypes, I think they actually refute many of the negative connotations. The best thing that "Big Love" does is show how normal an abnormal family life can be.

Inside the Henrickson's three houses, the strangest sight is seeing a family actually caring for and helping each other.

The three wives compete for the attention of their one husband. But they also care for each other's children as if they were their own. They divide household responsibilities and come together as a family to eat at night.

It's a (mostly) caring environment that promotes growth. For example, when the "senior" wife is celebrating a lunar eclipse with a daughter, the "freshman" wife is invited to be a part of it.

Now, the show would be offensive if it intentionally tried to portray polygamists as pristine humans. Thankfully, it doesn't. The nuances of regular life are in plain view.

The seven kids ranging from infants to teens are still rowdy and noisy. A teen boy struggles with sexuality. A wife is coping with a shopping addiction that has created more than $50,000 in credit card debt. And the large household regularly fights about who gets to use the cars.

It so normal that during family dinner scenes, you don't even think about polygamy. Rather, it's like a flashback to the days of family farms where everyone worked together, ate together, celebrated together and suffered together.

With the drama of wives deciding who gets their shared husband on what night - or animosity about "relations" that took place in another wife's bed - the polygamous life is alien enough to be enthralling on television.

"We are not playing these people with parody or satire. We are playing these people dead earnest," Bill Paxton recently told The Associated Press.

That's exactly how it comes off.

And while this doesn't make me want to start looking for a second wife (think about that, you could actually date other women - or men - and then talk about it with your partner) it's changed my views about polygamy.

Not only does the lifestyle seem fine (within the normal standards of incest and statutory rape, of course), but it's great television.

Robert Morast also enjoys TV shows about serial killers. He can be reached at 331-2313 or rmorast@argusleader.com.

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