A SO-CALLED polygamy club launched in August has been stirring some excitement recently.

Last month I made my way to Rawang, a town some 50 kilometres from KL city, to meet up with the club founder and some of her followers and family members. It was one of the most unusual interviews I have ever done.

When I arrived, I was taken aback to be greeted by dozens of people. It turns out Madam Hatijah Aam, 55, had gathered most of her husband’s 38 children to join us!

“To prove to you that we exist,” she laughed.

She is married to Ashaari Muhammad, who has had five wives. One wife has died, and one has been divorced.

His huge clan comprises 38 children, 200 grandchildren and 12 great-grandchildren. All of his children who are married, are in polygamous marriages. The club claims membership of 300.

The close-knit Ashaari family are based in Rawang, where they run a huge empire of grocery stores, restaurants, publishing companies, clinics and other businesses. Mdm Hatijah says they also have businesses elsewhere in the world such as Australia, Syria and Germany, generating millions of ringgit, which funds their activities.

This is not the first time her family has made headlines. Mr Ashaari was previously known for having led a deviant religious sect that was banned in 1994, due to teachings deemed contrary to the Quran. It was believed to have thousands of followers, including civil servants. The government has said it suspects the polygamy club could be a front for the revival of the religious sect, which Hatijah has denied.

Before the cult was banned, followers wore long flowing robes and turbans for the men, and black robes and face-veils for the women.

But when I met them, Hatijah, Noraziah and their children, wore colourful though modest clothes and headscarves. Their faces were not covered. The children laughed and joked with each other during the interview, like any other family.

ST PHOTO BY: HAZLIN HASSAN

Hatijah sounded persuasive enough, saying polygamy could help solve social ills such as prostitution and adultery. But when I pressed her on how a polygamist might be fair and just to all his wives, and how he is able to provide for all of them equally, she was unable to give solid answers. I said that while Ashaari might be able to provide all of them with comfortable lives due to his profitable businesses, other ordinary men earning meagre salaries, might not. Her answer was just that “God will provide.” But the club’s brochures do highlight a verse from the Quran that says that if a man fears he is unable to be fair and just to his wives, then he must only marry one.

The clan then proceeded to surprise me at the end of the interview by singing two songs extolling the virtues of polygamy, written by Ashaari himself. After that, some of them departed for Indonesia, where they are setting up a chapter. Although I left not altogether convinced that polygamy was for every man (or woman), they did seem earnest enough. And they certainly welcomed me with much warmth and generosity.

Good news, for all the single mamas in Kelantan, Malaysia a state representative wants local legislators and magistrates to marry you. According to AFP, the chairwoman of the state’s family and health committee thinks that dudes with good, stable jobs should up their “quota” for wives. “Quota” meaning the number of wives these stable dudes are cool with having.

The problem that requires polygamy as a solution is that there are too many unmarried, single mothers in Kelantan, and throughout Malaysia. As you likely know, Malaysia is a largely Muslim nation (55 percent of its 28 million residents). And the dude-portion of that 16 million-odd people is permitted to have multiple wives.

Life is not easy for a single mother, I’ve heard. Dating is a pain, making ends meet is a pain, providing a good masculine influence for both son and daughter is a pain. But the government doesn’t want just any old Muslim dudes to take these ladies off the market. They want guys who have solid government jobs and presumably some level of accountability.

A proposal last week by Malaysia’s Islamic party argued that polygamy can be beneficial for women.

The conservative Islamic party has called for Muslim men in the country to marry single mothers instead of “young virgin girls,” said a state official. Al-Arabiya news channel quoted Wan Ubaidah, head of women, family and health affairs in a northern state, remarking that although Malaysian men usually prefer young and virgin girls as their additional wives, this new proposal would help single mothers and widows who are finding it hard to raise their kids.

Muslim men in Malaysia are allowed to marry up to four women under the approval of the Islamic courts but it’s not widespread in the country. The proponents of the practice say it helps disadvantaged women like single mothers and widows and discourage adultery and prostitution. But many women’s rights activists condemn it as an unequal and unjust practice against women.

The debate over polygamy has been going on in Malaysia for awhile now. In August, a “polygamy club,” was founded in the country to promote polygamous marriages. The aim is to help “single mothers, reformed prostitutes and women who feel they are past the marrying age” find the appropriate spouse to marry. The club claims to have 1000 members of which 700 are women.

A possible opening of a branch of the club in the world’s most populous Muslim nation, Indonesia, has provoked outrage among some religious leaders and women’s rights groups in that country. According to the Associated Press, analysts believe the number of men who prefer to marry more than one wife is rising in Indonesia,  and includes some religious leaders and political figures.

Islamic law allows for a man to marry up to four wives under the condition that he can provide for all four of them fairly and equally. The practice is especially common in traditional Arab countries like Saudi Arabia. But it’s prohibited in more secular predominantly Muslim countries such as Turkey, Tunisia and Bosnia-Herzegovina, and abhorred by many women’s rights activists.

KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) – Malaysian legislators in the poor conservative Muslim northeastern state of Kelantan should marry single mothers to help care for their children, a state representative suggested.

The state’s family and health committee chairwoman Wan Ubaidah Omar said that legislators should be awarded prizes for increasing their “quota” of wives.

“What I mean by quota is adding to the number of wives,” Wan Ubaidah, a female legislator said, according to Thursday’s Star newspaper.

Polygamy is legal in Malaysia for Muslims, who account for 55 percent of the 28 million population.

According to the Star there are 16,500 single mothers under 60 years of age.

While much has been said about the heartache of plural wives living in 19th-century Mormonism, these unions could also bring happiness and unusual independence, according to a prominent religious scholar.

During a lecture Thursday before a packed house at the LDS Tabernacle, Kathleen Flake said that often only the negative side of polygamy is emphasized.

“I am always suspicious when I only hear one side of an argument,” added Flake, who teaches religious history at Vanderbilt University.

This suspicion lead her to research polygamy in Utah during the pioneer era, a time when about 25 percent of Latter-day Saints were living “the principle.”

What Flake found would probably surprise many.

Focusing on the writings of Elizabeth Kane, a Protestant who spent time in St. George during the 19th century, Flake revealed that husbands often treated their polygamous wives as individuals, not as “a collective.” Wives who died were deeply mourned, not viewed as simply replaceable. Deep love was not uncommon, but husbands were told to attend to all of their wives without becoming infatuated with one at the expense of the others.

The wives also could form strong bonds. Flake described an account of a polygamous wife crying when recalling the death of another.

Under the stresses of frontier life, Flake said that the women came to rely on each other and also developed independence from their husband.

Plural wives often ran their own households and even managed businesses, which was unusual at the time.

Elizabeth Kane’s explanation was that plural wives “were de facto widows whose husbands were often on missions or sleeping in other beds.”

But Flake said that “more than economic necessity” was behind this independence.

“The separate gender spheres within Mormonism were demarcated differently than in Protestant America,” Flake explained. “Men were principally responsible for expanding the kingdom beyond the stakes and women were responsible for maintaining the members within those stakes.”

This independence was reflected in the LDS marital vows of the time, which discuss “rights” not “duties.” This contrasts with the Methodist vows of the time, which stressed the wife’s obedience to her husband.

The Protestant ideal of marriage also focused on romance and devotion.

“Mormons stood in opposition to these ideas of romantic oneness,” Flake said.

Some 19th-century polygamous wives, like writer Fanny Stenhouse, were unhappy because they didn’t “rule in her husband’s heart.”

Flake stressed that she is a historian, not an advocate of polygamy, and she doesn’t want to “downplay these experiences.” It is also correct that records of disappointed wives “are all over the archives.”

But she said that the polygamous wives who thrived “had bigger ambitions” than their husbands’ hearts. Instead, they were answering a calling to be “priestesses” and “queens of queens” by following their religion.

Audience member Grant Lund said that Flake’s lecture gave him a new way of looking at polygamy.

“The value of polygamy was that it allowed the woman to have her agency in a very distinctive way. It had a sense of community and of individual agency,” he explained. “The thing that I’ve been amazed at in studying Mormon history is that so many of the women were such strong-willed, capable women, which they felt came out of the polygamy.”

This Bedouin man living in Israel certainly takes the command of be fruitful and mulitply seriously! In my opinion though, he seems to have a relaxed view of marriage in spite of having 8 wives. This article is an interesting look at how this man’s society is able to get away from the Muslim rule that a man can only have 4 co-wives at a time. He is interested in marrying his 9th wife! I would like to hear more about their daily life and how the family operates.

With eight wives and 67 children, Shahadeh Abu Arrar has given new meaning to the term “family man.” Abu Arrar, 58, is a member of Israel’s impoverished Bedouin Arab community. But even in a traditional society where men commonly have several wives and many children, Abu Arrar is exceptional.

“I’m thinking about a new wife, No. 9,” he told the Israeli daily Yediot Ahronot in a recent interview. “There are many women who wish to marry me and there is no lack of women. I never had a problem with such things.”

Abu Arrar, whose oldest child is 37, was photographed by the newspaper in a long Bedouin robe and head cover, surrounded by a dozen of so of his kids.

During a visit to his multistory home in central Israel, The Associated Press spotted 17 of the children milling about, dressed in bright red, blue and green-embroidered Palestinian dresses and headscarves. Four veiled women, including two who said they were his wives, sat on the porch peeling vegetables.

While Islam allows Muslim men to have four co-wives, it is a custom in Bedouin society to flout the already-generous ruling — and an Israeli ban on polygamy — by marrying women one at a time, divorcing them and marrying others, experts on Bedouin culture said.

Culturally, it’s understood that the renounced wives are still married to Abu Arrar, the experts said.

It’s unclear how Abu Arrar supports his massive family. Camels, goats and a cow were grazing on his property. Yediot said he also receives about $1,700 (euro1,200) in government handouts each month.

According to the Israeli Interior Ministry, Abu Arrar has 53 children registered as Israeli citizens. He has 14 other children born to Palestinian wives in the West Bank and who are not eligible for Israeli citizenship, his other wives said.

Either way, his family size pales in comparison to the size of the average Israeli family: 2.3, according to the Israeli Central Bureau of Statistics.

Abu Arrar claims to remember all his children’s names, and says they are split almost evenly between boys and girls. And he’s still going strong.

“My first wife is my age, and today I hardly spend any time with her. Her children are big, and I leave her alone. I have younger wives to spend time with. Every night I decide which wife to be with,” Abu Arrar told the newspaper. He refused to talk to an AP reporter.

Activists said Abu Arrar’s story showed the urgency of raising literacy and education among women in the impoverished Bedouin community. Many are pressured into marriage or feel they have no other options beside raising children, said Khadra al-Sani, director of Sidra, a Bedouin women’s rights group.

Still, Abu Arrar pales in comparison to others in the region. In August, the Emirates Today newspaper in Dubai ran a story about a one-legged 60-year-old man with 78 children from 12 wives.

Daad Abdul Rahman said he hoped to have a hundred children by 2015.

Polygamy . . . sin, means of subsistence, special privilege or simply a practice as old as mankind?

Some church leaders strongly condemn polygamy as adultery; others believe that a polygamist cannot be a true Christian; still other non-Western church leaders point out that polygamy was accepted by God in the Old Testament and that there is nothing wrong with Christians today having more than one wife.

So, what are the cultural reasons for polygamy in the 85% of the world’s cultures that permit polygamy?

How do these reasons relate to the teaching of the Bible?

And, what does this mean for the local church and for new converts from a polygamous background?

Dr Gaskiyane approaches the subject by providing answers to 8 key questions:

What are the reasons for polygamy in those traditional cultures which are almost entirely polygamous?

How does God treat polygamy in the Bible?

How should Christians view polygamy in non-Christian cultures today which have been polygamous for a very long time?

How should the church handle new converts who come from a background of traditional polygamy?

How should the church assist in changing a culture from polygamy to monogamy?

What is a biblical perspective on the policy of some churches to require polygamists to put away all but one wife?

According to Scripture, should polygamists who retain their multiple wives be baptised?

Should polygamists be permitted to take Holy Communion?

“The church needs cultural sensitivity and wisdom from God in dealing with those who come to Christ from a background of traditional polygamy.”

Special Features: Clear practical and biblical guidelines for churches in a polygamous society.

Author:     Dr I. Gaskiyane
ISBN:     0953575799
EAN:     9 780953 575794
Pages & Format:     64pp, p/b
Publication Date:     21/7/2000

“In the polygamous society of the Bible, adultery is defined as sexual intercourse between a man (whether married or unmarried) and a woman married to someone else. In biblical times, most societies allowed men to marry more than one woman.”

The Ten Commandments, Pg. 218, © 1998 Dr. Laura Schlessinger